Internet Backs Woman Inviting Parents to Her Wedding as Just Guests After Years of Neglect
A woman gained the internet’s support after admitting in a now-viral Reddit post that she didn’t ask her parents to play any significant role in her wedding ceremony. Instead, she invited them to be guests only.
In the popular Reddit forum “Am I The A**hole” on Thursday, the bride-to-be asked Redditors: “AITA [am I the a**hole] for not wanting my parents to be anything more than guests in my wedding?” So far, the post has received more than 11,000 votes.
At the beginning of her post, the woman explained that her parents adopted her cousins — a set of triplets — when they were children after her aunt, uncle and grandmother were involved in a fatal car accident.
Once her cousins were brought to live with them, her mother quit her job as a teacher to be a stay-at-home mom. The Redditor further explained that her father used the inheritance from her grandmother to pay off their home. Additionally, he placed the money he received from her aunt and uncle’s life insurance policy into college funds for her cousins.
Still, money was tight for the family, and as a result, the Redditor explained that she was forced to sacrifice some of her interests. She also said that her parents often put her cousins first.
“From ages 8 to 13, my parents were too focused on my cousins that they forgot they had a daughter, and the money was so tight that I had to quit all of my hobbies because my cousins’ hobbies were expensive and they needed to make sure that they maintained the same standard of living for them,” she explained.
When she was 13-years-old, the Redditor said that her maternal grandparents told her that her parents had already drained her college funds. From that point on, she said she only saw her parents as “an egg and sperm donor.”
“Fast forward to when my cousins started going to college, and I guess my parents remembered that they had a kid but I wasn’t interested in having a relationship with them beyond an occasional phone call,” the woman said.
“Now I am about to get married, I asked my grandpa to walk me down the aisle and my grandma to take on the traditional mother of the bride role for me,” she continued.
The woman also said that she presented her parents with their wedding invitations in person, but told them they were “welcome only as guests or not at all.”
Not all brides want their parents involved in their wedding ceremony. Still, many experts agree that there are right and wrong ways to hold those conversations. HuffPost reminded brides that context does matter, specifically when it comes to telling dad that he’s not walking his daughter down the aisle.
“Don’t spring the topic on dear old dad while in line at Starbucks and most definitely don’t do it in a text. This is a conversation you’ll want to have in private ― face-to-face ― and somewhere you both feel equally comfortable,” the publication said.
A wedding expert also told the publication to “set aside a specific time and make sure your dad knows you have something important to discuss.” This way, no one feels “ambushed.”
The same tips can be applied when it comes to talking to mom about her role.
One of the Redditor’s friends told her that she was being “too harsh.” Commenters, on the other hand, felt that the woman was justified in not wanting her parents to participate in the ceremony.
“NTA [not the a**hole]. Your feelings are yours,” said u/Diligent_Brick_5023.
“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. This should never have happened to you. But I’m so glad you have your grandparents. NTA and I’m happy you are honoring them on your day. Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I hope it’s a beautiful day,” added Thia-M3762.
“NTA. Any anger you have is totally normal, understandable and justifiable. And they’re not entitled to have any kind of relationship with you — you’re an adult now and you get to decide who’s in your life and in what capacity,” replied u/peachyamc.
Published at Fri, 29 Oct 2021 20:30:04 +0000